Me: kinky panromantic demisexual polyamorous agender thing with bipolar and OCD

This tumblr: babbling. also pictures that I reblog. I'll be babbling about queerness, mental illness, my relationships, random nonsense... actually just lots of things.

Companions: Here

20th July 2013

Photoset reblogged from Sio with 490,042 notes



No Straight Pride: Why is there a Gay Pride?

Video here: [x]

This is important.

Tagged: gifgifsetlgbtqueergay

Source: cyberteeth

25th February 2013

Photoset reblogged from Dowager Countess of Fandom and Stick Figures with 42,516 notes


‘which vegetable wears the strap-on’ is what they’re asking. the answer is all the vegetables.

I’ve had this exact same conversation with my Grandma. I told her ‘whoever happens to be holding on to the dildo at the time.’

She seemed pretty satisfied with that.

Tagged: lesbianqueersilly things

5th February 2013

Post with 1 note

NSFW, talk of sex, etc.

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Tagged: lesbianqueertrans*transgendersex is annoyingI mean I like ita lotbut it could be a lot less annoying

13th December 2012

Post reblogged from binary??? no im grey >:( with 483 notes


can all us queer and/or trans* muslims on tumblr get together weekly or even monthly to chat? we could even hold our own makeshift worship service. i end up shying away from masjid a lot because i feel judged for being queer and i really need to feel some queer muslim community in a more immediate way than just catching your posts on tumblr occasionally. maybe if any of us are imams or would like to be imams, we could throw together something for the group. if not, we could just talk about our spirituality and what islam means to us.

please boost this even if you aren’t muslim to help us spread the word and message me to let me know if this is an idea you’d be interested in helping to organize. you don’t necessarily have to be queer and/or trans* to get involved, but you do have to be a progressive Muslim who believes in equality.

Tagged: signal boosttranstrans*lgbtqueermuslimsislam

Source: maxitron3000

15th June 2012

Post with 1 note

Oh right. Lesbians.

Was gonna talk about that, huh? Before I got distracted by the Sims 3 Pets.

So I was thinking recently and realized that I am more of a lesbian than I am a straight woman. Like if someone were to erase everything but monosexuality and demand I identify myself, I would say I was a lesbian.

I’ve had crushes on guys, but honestly I wonder if I actually “liked" them or if it was just me realizing that answering "no one" every time I was asked what boy I liked was apparently unacceptable. There was one who I can say I wanted to snuggle with, yes, but everyone else…not really. Honestly, crushes were more like wishful possessiveness. I didn’t really want Mr. So-and-so. I just wanted him to be my boyfriend. I never fantasized about doing anything with him (hell, most of the time I knew nothing about him and what little I did know, we weren’t at all similar or compatible). I just fantasized about him having that label. Boyfriend. I just wanted to be able to call him my boyfriend, to win some intangible prize and best my friends in the contest which I was sure dating was.

Girls, though? I liked girls. In the friendship way, sure, but also in the “I want to hold you and kiss you and be able to say that you are mine, because you are precious and perfect” way that I lacked with guys. I don’t remember getting jealous when one of my male crushes showed interest in anyone else. My best friend started dating my supposed crush, at one point, and told me timidly, clearly terrified I would be furious. I remember wondering why I should care. Me female crushes, though, made me a bit sulky when they showed more affection for others than me. Even when I was their best friend and they told me that, I wanted to be more, special to them in the way that they were special to me.

I think I sometimes identify with the label “lesbian” too. I have never had a moment where I was like “I feel very straight right now” but I’ve often thought that I felt like a lesbian. Not that I could identify what that meant, of course. There I would be, sitting on my bed holding my male (or male-ish, at least) companion(s). And, silly as it is, I fit some of the appearance stereotypes: when trying to figure out how to cut my hair, I looked through tons of short hair cuts and rejected them all. It was only when I googled “lesbian hair cuts” that I suddenly found pages full of things that I liked. I like plaid and cats. Not that any of that matters, of course, but…I dunno. Fun fact, I guess.

If I was currently with a woman, this might be some sort of revelation and I might start calling myself a lesbian. But instead… just another fun fact, I suppose? I don’t exactly identify as a woman, after all, and neither of my partners are women. If “panromantic asexual agender lesbian” was an option, maybe I would be that, but then what’s the point? If a lesbian is a homoromantic homosexual woman and I tack on descriptors which cross out each facet of that identity, all I’m doing is latching onto a label that I feel falsely comfortable with.

So…yeah. I guess the main practical application is that this makes me feel better about being queer. I’ve wondered often if maybe I’m just a straight woman taking allyship too far. But if I’m not even a woman… well then I would have to be “a lesbian taking queerness too far” and then that is saying that there are somehow degrees of queerness, and lesbians are barely queer. Which ha.

Anyway. Babbling. Pointless babbling. But I’m queer and not just an ally faking it to look accepting, so that’s nice to be sure of. Not that I’ll probably stop worrying, since OCD has prolly latched onto it as a new obsession by this point, really.

Tagged: utterly pointlessqueer

7th May 2012

Post reblogged from The Sagan System with 9 notes



Don’t know if you guys do signal boosts, but…


Tyro and I have about a week and a half to move out or risk having both of us, ah, “removed” from the premises by my lovely father.

I hate to ask for donations (and those of you who have dealt with me and money before know that I really, really dislike taking money), but here’s the situation.  We have absolutely no place to go, save for couch surfing with a couple of friends for a little while.  I’ve got a friend calling around to see who has a spare room available that we can sleep in until we’re financially stable, but neither of us have jobs, and the places we could potentially stay are in another town, which means we’re either gonna have to stay somewhere without rent (i.e. with a friend, and pay through chores) until we can get jobs, or we’re gonna have to commute back and forth, which burns gas we also don’t have the money for.

So my plan at this point is to finish up the commissions on my plate (which are few, but a month’s worth of carpal tunnel flareups is making that difficult), reopen for proper commissions, have Tyro do the same, and possibly see about selling her car.  Hopefully that’ll net us enough money to help with rent and food for wherever we end up until we can land jobs and afford our own apartment.

My paypal is  Anything at all would help right now, even if it’s just a signal boost.

We will definitely signal boost this. These two groups used to be mods here, and are close friends of ours. Please, help them however you can.

whoops putting this here too.

-boosting signals- :( (And Anshin - I threw tags on it which…I…think you identify as/with? To maybe have more people see it? But if they are wrong and you want me to take them off, tell me and I quickly will.)

Tagged: signal boostingtransgendertrans*queerdemisexual

Source: livingplural

26th April 2012

Post with 1 note

Today is the day, apparently, where Hannah is openly queer because she’s too lazy to conform to her supposed gender.

AKA Hannah really really needs to do laundry and is now binding because she’s run out of shirts that fit her boobs.

And it’s too hot to wear my bind-stealthing jacket that I normally wear so hi there person staring at my chest from across the room :D

Tagged: agendergender weirdnessqueerno but seriously I should do laundrybut blargleblarg it has like three steps. at least!

23rd March 2012

Post with 9 notes

Does anyone know of any Christian books which (non-problematically) speak about transgenderness?

My mom has decided to read about “transgender issues” to try to understand them. If I could get her to somehow believe that Ace is not broken and flawed because of the whole not-being-cis thing, it would be amazing. Buuuut, her issue with him (and with trans people in general) is that “her Christian viewpoint gives her one way to see it”, as she said.

So if anyone has any books to recommend about trans experiences which might help her be more open-minded that’d be glorious. And if anyone has any that are written by Christians (if there is a book by a trans Christian person it would be amazing) or from a Christian perspective or whatever even, that would be marvelous.

Tagged: trans*transtransgendertranssexualqueer

10th February 2012

Post with 21 notes

I don’t understand homosexuality.

But I don’t understand heterosexuality, either. Bisexuality is understandable in theory.

I don’t understand how someone can be trans and want to transition, but that’s because I don’t understand how someone can have a strong enough gender identity to want that - I don’t really get strongly identified cis people, either.

I don’t understand any of that, but by all reports, there are a lot of people who identify those ways and I don’t see people questioning the existence of straight people or using this “identity” that they claim to have as a joke or mockery.

Just because you don’t understand something doesn’t mean you should dismiss and mock it, people. So when you respond to my attempted explanation of transsexuality and non-binary identities with a dismissive “so what if I wanted to identify as a goat?” you are an asshole. Because you just invalidated two types of identities, and while you may not understand them, I probably don’t understand yours, either.

Tagged: i hate people todayotherkinqueertransgenderfuck everyone

9th February 2012

Post reblogged from if you were del boy i'd be the streets of peckham with 2,085 notes

"There is but one step from the grotesque to the horrible"



Disclaimer: this rant is written for a specific group of people. If you don’t belong to it, you already know that you don’t, congratulations, great shall be your reward in the afterlife.


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Hi there! I don’t know who “specific group of people” refers to, but I have a suspicion, based on the contents of this post, that it’s “people who will not call me out on my massive douchebaggery”. Hey, guess what? You’re shit out of luck on that one!

Honestly, there was so much offensiveness here that I had to pick one thing to focus on, so I decided to move past the whole “no one else counts except for me!!11!11!” part of it, because my dear and lovely favourite gyzym has done that here, and focus on your incredibly problematic opinions about the queering of literature. But first, let’s see some evidence, of which you seem so fond, yeah?

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Okay this is also amazing. I think maybe this person is just the most amazing person.

Tagged: sherlock holmesqueer

Source: shingworks

27th January 2012


Queer experiences survey

Okay apparently I can’t reblog myself, at least not without like…installing a thing or doing some sort of fanciness or…something. And since I am on a library computer, that ain’t gonna happen. So…shall just copy it over. But if you feel like doing survey, you should still reblog this instead of following my poor example. k.

How do you identify?

Panromantic asexual/demisexual (genderqueerish) woman

Do you want to expand on that? (You don’t have to but…just acknowledging that labels are generalizations and may miss important things.)

Panromantic feels like it doesn’t really need expansion - I like people and I confuse myself when I try to understand monosexuality. I don’t get how it works, and I think I just puzzle or accidentally offend people when I ask them to explain their sexuality. Sexuality I go back and forth on between “asexual” and “demisexual.” I am now thinking that part of that was thinking that I would have the same level of attraction to both of my companions. Now that I’ve realized I’m not attracted to Ace but am probably attracted to Thomas, I think there will be less bafflement. But I call myself ace and usually tell people I’m asexual for simplicity (especially since I’m not attracted to who they think of as my boyfriend). And I identify as a woman but calling myself that still weirds me out, so I dunno how much is habit/”this is what I should be” and how much is genuine identification. But sometimes I wanna bind and crossdress and be read as male or androgynous - not as a woman. So…yeah.

When did you notice that your experiences with gender, romance, and/or sexual attraction were non-normative?

When people in my class started getting crushes on each other and joking about and teasing each other about sex in fourth grade, I was kind of puzzled and figured they were just trying to be grown up and mature. I really have no idea when interest in sex becomes the norm instead of just precociousness, but I probably should have realized something was weird when I was a sophomore senior (because actually I guess I still get really confused when I find out people my age are having sex) in college and still being shocked that people are already having sex!!! So young?!

I had definitely figured out that I was romantically interested in ladyfolk by the end of high school (probably by the end of 10th grade, actually) but since I thought I must clearly be faking it for attention (given that I didn’t have a strong urge to have sex with them, just look at them and cuddle them and be really close) I ignored it.

Was kind of always (well always since like age 10) weird about femininity and my gender but figured that was just insecurity because I hated my body, like all teenagers are clearly meant to.

When did you first find words that fit your experiences and with which you started to identify?

I think sometime around March of last year was when I started to realize that Ace’s talk about asexuality sort of seemed familiar. I don’t think I started really strongly identifying as asexual until summer break, when Thomas mentioned how the asexual community breaks attraction down so much. Once I found out that asexual didn’t have to mean aromantic, everything clicked and I started identifying as panromantic asexual.

When did you first encounter someone who identifies as you now identify? Was it before or after you had started to identify that way?

I feel like a lot of my first reactions to asexuality were the stereotyped, problematic reactions we all fear. The first time I read about someone identifying as asexual, it was a mention on a blog. I don’t even know why I was on the blog or what I’d been looking for when I stumbled across it, but I remember thinking that the person must be sad and lonely, and that once they found the right person, they would realize how much they wanted love and would stop being asexual.

I didn’t really think about it any more until I started talking to Ace. Again, it seemed sad. I think especially since Ace is also aromantic, it seemed loveless and lonely - how could you not want romance??? I think my initial “you must be sad and hate intimacy” reaction (and the resulting fear that they must hate me for trying to get close to them) probably slowed down my realizing that I was asexual, too.

What was your reaction to their identity/described experiences?

Oh. Dangit! I wrote the damn survey and I am answering it badly. Well. Basically all of that up above. Confusion, the usual “are you lonely? why don’t you want love? you’ll find the right person, don’t worry :D” nonsense. And then felt totally silly and ridiculous when it finally clicked and I realized that I identified the same way that these supposedly lonely and antisocial people identified.

Anything else you feel like adding? (Because maybe I am missing questions that you feel would go along with these theme?)

Um. Not really going with the survey, but just in case people doing the survey also read this: I DON’T REALLY KNOW HOW TO ACKNOWLEDGE OR THANK YOU FOR DOING IT? Maybe I will just go send asks at you, but does that feel obnoxious and insincere? :/ It’s the best I can think of because reblogging you seems like it would be even more annoying for anyone who follows me and then gets a thousand survey responses on my wall. Unless other people would want to read them. Ff I dunno. If anyone reads this far and has input, you should let me know, and if anyone reads this far and did the survey, thanks and you’re glorious.

Tagged: asexualityqueersurveyholy shit this thing became a novelshocking coming from me I know

27th January 2012

Post with 10 notes

Here is my survey about queer experiences. Because curiosity.

How do you identify?

Do you want to expand on that? (You don’t have to but…just acknowledging that labels are generalizations and may miss important things.)

When did you notice that your experiences with gender, romance, and/or sexual attraction were non-normative?

When did you first find words that fit your experiences and with which you started to identify?

When did you first encounter someone who identifies as you now identify? Was it before or after you had started to identify that way?

What was your reaction to their identity/described experiences?

Anything else you feel like adding? (Because maybe I am missing questions that you feel would go along with these theme?)

If you do this survey, please do so by reblogging it so I get notified and can come read your answers. (Is that standard procedure? Maybe that is utterly unnecessary.)

Tagged: queerlgbt+asexualhomosexualbisexualpansexualtransgendertrans*genderqueer

27th January 2012



I have questions. And I am going to make a survey. And hopefully at least one person will answer the questions? And also hopefully it isn’t super obnoxious.

So since putting all this in the survey feels weird, I am instead putting the “sorry if I am problematic accidentally, and if anyone wants to be awesome, answers would be cool” thing here since…the same people will see this and the survey.

So yes.

Off I go to actually make it. And then I’ll probably answer it because I feel less obnoxious if I answer it than if I am just like “K PEOPLE. TELL ME YOUR LIFE.”

Tagged: queersurvey partyyy

18th November 2011


I feel like you shouldn’t tell someone they should be or do something unless you know that is possible for them or, at the very least, are willing to join their fight if they want it to be possible for them.

Like otherwise you risk being all kinds of -ist. Like fat shaming and saying that someone could get in shape if they just tried: maybe that’s true. I could certainly be in better shape if I could motivate myself and stop being lazy. But not everyone has access to/can afford to go to a gym. And you don’t need a gym to work out, I know - there’s walking, or riding your bike instead of driving, but that’s not always an option, either. When I stay late at school, it makes me nervous even just to walk a block and a half off campus to get to my car. I certainly wouldn’t want to walk or ride my bike home in the dark, because I really don’t live in a safe area; I’ve been harassed during the day, people have gotten stabbed just off campus, and several people have been sexually assaulted even on campus, so I’m not gonna go waltzing off into the darkness.

In some cases, encouraging people to do something can be good. If someone nagged me into going to the gym, it would probably be a good thing. But if someone told me to walk to and from school, it just wouldn’t be an option. And I’m privileged as hell. Giving the same suggestion to someone who lives further from their destination, or in a worse area, or whatever, is even worse.

Or marriage. My mom hasn’t said anything about me and Ace getting married, likely in large part because we’ve only been “together” in the normative romantic sense for a little under three months. But if stay together without getting married, she’s going to start making comments about it, I’m sure. I don’t know if it would be one year in, two, three…whatever. But eventually, she might want us to get married. (At least, she would not want me just living with a cis guy indefinitely without getting married, so I can’t imagine she’ll be like “:D k, just live in sin forever” with Ace.) And…well, that’s not…really an option. Legally, that would fall into the “same-sex marriage” category and that’s not quite A Thing. Unless my mom is willing to help fight for my right to marry my partner, her pressuring me to get married would be ridiculous and possibly hurtful.

I…I think this was meant to be some sort of Brilliant Social Justice Post but ended up as an incoherent ramble. Basically the first sentence was my point. You can’t pressure or demand that people be a certain way or do a certain thing unless you’re willing to help make it possible if it isn’t already.

Tagged: I think this was formulated and brilliant in my headBut then it was really cold and all my attention went to being really coldSo by the time I remembered I wanted to write this there was just nonsense in my brainsocial justiceHannah ramblestrans I guessqueer

17th November 2011


And, while I’m rambling about my mom:

I dunno whether or not I’m being a dick about Ace. Like… bringing him up. Like the whole “at least I won’t get pregnant :D” is basically shoving “hey mom, my boyfriend is trans” at her, if she takes that as a sign that we’re having sex, or a “hey mom, I’m asexual, which also bothers you”, if she thinks that is making me celibate.

And like then when she was talking about me being pregnant, I was like “if I did want to, though, I guess there’s some new technology that lets them make sperm. Like from female bodied people. Their bone marrow or something. So Ace could get me pregnant, if we wanted.” Which is both “hi, my boyfriend is trans and would need The Powers of Science to impregnate me” and “I am rather serious about someone you’re still iffy on, and am implying years if not decades of commitment to him.”

On the one hand, she should accept that he’s trans, and that I’m asexual (feel like I should explain demisexuality, because it feels like I’m lying since…she now takes that as “we’re never ever going to have sex” which…isn’t true), so trying to get her to accept that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. But I wonder if the way I’m doing it - bringing it up in conversation and sort of springing it on her when the conversation comes around to relationships - is dickly and…and cruel, I guess? Like is it…rubbing it in? To mention Ace?

Except like…if he was cis, I wouldn’t be asking this. If he was cis, it would be totally logical to bring him up because hi, he’s kind of one of the most important people in my life, and is relevant in a lot of discussions. So it’s not bad that I’m not censoring the “oh he’s gonna come visit” or “he said ____” because…it’s relevant. He’s part of my life and I’m allowed to acknowledge that. But I don’t know if I’m bringing him up when he’s not relevant, and that’s what worries me. Like what if I’m just dragging him into conversations where he doesn’t belong, just so I can try to make my mom be used to him and his transness?

Sigh. I dunno. I don’t want to avoid him or try to de-queer my life for her benefit, but I also don’t want to be throwing my and my boyfriend’s queerness in her face over and over for no reason.

(And every time I write a post like this, I feel horrible because…what about Thomas? Thomas is also one of the most important people in my life, but I’m not bothering my mom with him because I’m not even mentioning him to my mom… So I feel like I’m just erasing him from my life.)

Tagged: queerparentsI dunno what to doooI don't wanna be a dickBut I don't want to passively encourage anti-queerness eitherI dunnoTrans boyfriends are still the best things though